Thoughts and struggles

It's been a week since we got back from 10-day outreach and I will write about that, just not right now.
I have a feeling I have to put things out of me and blog is a perfect way of doing it because I can let people know how I'm doing at the same time as I'm putting it out in words.

It's been a crazy week and I can't even believe that's it's been 5 whole days since we got back. I've been dealing with a lot of thinking, in a bad way. I keep having this thoughts in my head that I can't get rid of and I know they're not from God. Even when I pray, I get distracted so easily and it bugs me so much!
We had a prayer meeting with my prayer group yesterday and God put a girl from College on my heart to pray with, we're going for a prayer walk in 15min. I didn't even tell her that God said we have to pray for a whole day because I didn't think it matters but I didn't feel at peace this morning so I just told her. She didn't think I'm crazy which is great. I'm not even sure what we need to pray about.. maybe we just need to talk to the Lord and see.
The other thing that doesn't give me peace is being a leader of Finland outreach. We have a skype meeting with Kyle today, the guy from Finland, and I'm so nervous! I prayed yesterday and told God that I know I can't do this by myself, I know I'm not capable of doing this by myself.. I gave it all to Him but I still don't feel at peace.

I ask you to pray for peace in my heart and that I'd know He's in charge of things.


The other day I had a conversation with my roommate Sarah. We talked about how we see Bible College and she said she sees it as a hospital. She's dealing with a lot of spiritual stuff and she knows she came here so GOd can reveal Himself to her and heal her.
I see Bible College as a military. I came here and God is training me to be his soldier in a way. And.. you know, every military has a hospital or at least a nurse that takes care of sick people.. and while training there, it's not always fun. It hurts when your muscles are strenghtening and you think you can't do it anymore, that you're done but you keep going.. It's the same here. God is strenghtening me in a big way and at times, I have a feeling I'm done and I just want to give up. But He lifts me up and gives me more strenght.

I don't know if any of this makes sense but.. Huh.
I'm ready to hear Him. I'm ready for Him to reveal Himself to me and let me know He's in charge. I'm ready for Him to give me a hug and let me know everything's going to be ok because He's here for me.
I know all of this in theory but I'm not sure I know it in my heart.
I'm ready for Him to give me His wisdom because I don't have any. I'm ready for Him to give me the ability of being a leader because I wasn't born a leader.
I'm ready to be humble and wait for Him.

Please pray for me.