Winter Wonderland

Winter is definitely not one of my favorite seasons of the year. It's all wet, mostly cloudy and freeeeeezing. It will be −24°C on the New Year's night. That's −11°F!!! 

But when the first snow falls, especially if it's around Christmas time… well, I have to admit I did enjoy some winter~ish landscape :)

I do have to admit… it's a very pretty winter wonderland :)

We don't have any Christmas traditions at home so I started my own a few years ago. I always watch Home Alone 1 (sometimes Home Alone 2, too) and While You Were Sleeping. Oh, what great movies.
And I make myself a Christmas dinner ~ fresh salmon with baked potatoes. Yum! :)

I've been at the College group for Christmas party for the past few years and we do white elephant, play different games and since it's Jesus' birthday, we give Him the gift of words and thank Him for different things. He sure is wonderful!


What are your Christmas traditions? :)

God's amazing provision

I have been living in Kocevje for 1 year, 2 months and 11 days. There have been good and bad days, ups and downs, joyful and discouraging moments ~ just like everywhere else on this planet.

I lived with the Pastor of the church in Kocevje and his family for 10 months. We originally said I'll stay there for 3 months until I find my own place but that got extended to 10 months. I am so thankful I got to stay with them and be a part of their family, but for the sake of ministry we thought it was better for me to find my own place.

Shawn, Christena and I were looking for an apartment for 6 months before God really brought us to the one He had for me, and now for Andrea as well (she is an extended JV intern, staying until mid December). It was a surprise how we even found it but God was so faithful… and He really showed us that He is in complete control about it.
We did everything we possibly could and none of the apartments we looked at suited me, for different reasons. This one, however, suits every single angle and is an answered prayer in many, many ways. I live 2min away from the center of the town; rent is as low as it can possibly be; I have a beautiful view; my landlord is very nice; my contract is for a year and I can move out any time I want, if that's what I decide.

Work in progress...

… and the finished product :)

 We actually do have beds now, but we didn't at that time :)

God is full of surprises. I didn't have much faith in finding an apartment during the summer because I didn't really have much time. But out of those 6 days I had to look for one, God brought me to this one on the 6th day, in the evening. And I knew right away that this is the one God had for us. He wasn't too late… He just worked in His own time.

God is the God who provides. Always. I thought He would provide sooner but He knew exactly when I needed an apartment. He sees the big picture and He works in His own timing.
Sometimes I don't see Him work and I think He forgot about me or that He won't provide… oh, how little do I know my God. He always has the best in mind for us. It's true that that sometimes means we don't get what we pray for; but even then He provides something different, something even better. He knows us and He knows what we need. I needed to wait for this apartment but boy, oh, boy, it was worth it!

“Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well." ~ Luke 12:27~31

The History Makers

I was invited to join a conference for young leaders of Slovenia, called The History Makers. The conference lasted 6 days and we talked about our relationship with God and all the important parts of it in our lives (integrity, intimacy with God, stewardship of different things…). ILI team (International Leadership Institute) has been equipping young leaders all over the world for years and this was their first time in Slovenia.

It was an intense conference and I have to admit that it was hard to sit still and 'study' for hours every day, especially after such a busy summer, but I got so much out of it. We had prayer teams where we prayed for one another; we had alone time with God where we sought His call for our lives and asked to give us a vision; we had free time where we played board games :) ...

It was really good to be reminded of all the core things of our walk with the Lord, and it's good to be equipped with all the material they presented to us so we can share it and be leaders who make leaders for the Lord. Ultimately, that is their vision, and it's ours too.

Performing Arts Camp 2014 - Fearless

PA Camp has been a highlight of my summer for the past 5 years. The schedule of the camp is not that different than an English Camp schedule; instead of English classes we have choir and dance practices. Instead of crazy games in the afternoon we have different workshops. Evening program is very similar to other camps, as are late nights as well.
But there is one difference, a really big one too. At PA Camp we all work together towards a goal - to put together a show of singing, dancing, acting and playing instruments, in just 8 days. We sweat together, laugh together, sometimes even cry together; when we are discouraged, we encourage each other, practice the dance routine outside of practice... and we do it all TOGETHER. It's such an amazing experience that by the end of the week, when it's time to say goodbye, most of us cry when it's time to say goodbye, even if we know we'll see each other again.

This year's theme was FEARLESS. When I visited US this past winter, I visited Modesto, CA which is where most of the people from PA Camp US team come from. They took me to see San Francisco one day, and on our drive back Lin, Deb, Chloe and I started talking about recent struggles we've had in our lives, and we realized they were mostly connected to fear. As we talked about upcoming PA Camp, Lin suggested that Fearless could be this year's camp theme. A couple of weeks later that was confirmed by all the directors of camp. 

The whole show was putting together a message that we don't have to be afraid because God is with us. We are His children and He takes care of us.

We had 5 people coming from Kocevje, including me, and it was a really good time of connecting in a different way. 4 of us were in the band workshop, and another girl was in a singing workshop. She didn't know any of us but she came to camp because it seemed interesting. Such courage! :) She is such a joyful person, always smiling and encouraging others.

Band worskhop

All people in black on the picture are from Kocevje :) 

God spoke to me a lot about my fear in life during camp. Fear used to control my life in a really big way. I didn't know that until my spiritual eyes opened when I accepted Jesus into my life. When that happened, God even gave me a life verse (He knows me so well...): "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." - Isaiah 41:10

Andrea (an extended intern who's my roommate until December) and I just recently wrote down our fears and then next to them wrote down the truth from the Bible (so any kind of verse that talks about that fear and pretty much kills it). We will return to it every time any of those fears comes up and be reminded of God's truth. Fear doesn't come from God and we need to keep our eyes focused on Him!

I hope I can be a part of next year's camp as well... I really feel like I come alive there, I can really be myself, and I love seeing how our youth comes alive and flourishes!

At the American Ambassador's house. He's been inviting us for a picnic for 3 years in a row! :) Such a privilege! And I will never say no to eating American food :)

KRIZ

KRIZ is one of the most intense and challenging Theology trainings I've ever been to, and I absolutely love it!

This was my 4th summer doing Kriz. It's a 2~year Theology program we have in Slovenia, non~credited, where we read through the whole Bible together, we meet 4 weekends during the year and we meet for 2 weeks during the summer, up in the Slovene mountains, and study the Bible.
This year was the most challenging because we were talking about our hearts and where we get Identity, Love, Pleasure and Place. We ultimately need it from God, our Father, but we too often look for it in other people, in places, in activities, in relationships… When we only need to look up to Him.

Ana and I have been in a core group for 2 years and we graduated together this summer. We have been encouraging and challenging each other, praying for one another, laughing and crying… it's been an amazing journey and even though we officially finished Kriz program and we're not in a core group anymore, we are. We will always be. I love it when God creates such good + deep friendships! Though Ana is more than a friend to me; she's my sister, and not just in Christ. 

I love this group of people!! :)

Adventure Camp in Bovec

We had our first High School camp in Kocevje this year, and it was an Adventure camp in Bovec. That's a beautiful town in the North West of Slovenia, surrounded by mountains, and it's not super crowded with tourists yet. It's a hidden gem of Slovenia :)

We went camping and had 4 days of rain which wasn't fun, but now we have some funny and interesting stories to tell :) It was stretchy though. God answered our prayers for unity and I think we all learned a lot about ourselves and each other.

There were 9 of us total (5 Slovenes, 3 Americans). We did different activities (rafting, paintball, hiking, sightseeing, waterfalls…) and had a lot of fun. We cooked for ourselves in a small kitchen at our campsite and lived as a big family. It was one of the best camps I've ever been to! :)

Beginning of summer: Junior High English Camp 2014 ~ Upside Down

This summer has been the busiest summer I've ever had! But it has also been the best summer I've ever had! :)

We had our Junior High camp at the end of June, and it was a great camp! We had 47 campers (last year we had 70) and God answered one of my personal prayers that I would have more time to build relationships with students. I was actually able to sit down with them and play cards, do crafts and talk.

We had English classes in the morning, then lunch, afternoon activities (sports, slip'n'slide, paintball…), dinner, camp dance, songs with motions, evening program (we talked about the Upside Down Kingdom of God), discussion groups and then a late night party (Christmas in June, Minute to Win it games, camp fire…).

My friend Andrea put this video together; it captures our camp very well :)

A gracious answer

We all know God hears our prayers, all of them, no matter how long or short they are. He hears them. But we often don't feel like He does because nothing major happens; there's no lightning coming down from the sky, there's no visible sign of it… and sometimes we don't see His answer for a long time.

In summer 2011 I was doubting God's love for me. I was only a Christian for a good year and I was a summer intern with Josiah Venture in Celje, a city I didn't know. It was a hard summer and my doubt didn't help the struggles. I prayed a prayer I don't often pray, and said, "God, can you please show me your love for me? Can you show me you love me?" My motives weren't entirely right because I kind of tested God. I said, "If you give me a black lilly, I'll know you love me." I didn't know black lilies exist (they do) so I was thinking God will never be able to show me a black lilly.
I came to my parents house a couple of weeks later, said hi to my mom, and then stopped in shock. There it was, a black lilly on our table. My mom came to me and said, "Do you like it? I got it at out garden." The lilly had 3 flowers on it (it reminded me of the Trinity) and it was beautiful. As "hard" as it was for me to think God could give me a black lilly and as wrong as my motives were in asking Him to do this for me, God provided the flower to show me just how much He loves me!

God gave me a big promise in December, something that's very important to me. A lot of stuff happened in the past few months that made me start questioning if that promise really was from God or if I just made it up. I remembered the prayer from 2011 and decided to ask God to confirm His promise to me, if it was from Him, with a rainbow. I continued with my day, forgetting what I prayed for.
It was Friday so we had our Junior High youth group in the evening. I drove the kids home afterwards, it was 8:20pm. We were driving towards Kocevje and there was a small patch of forest before us. We drove past it and there was this huge rainbow in the sky! :)
I got tears in my eyes and I explained to the girls how just 4 hours before that I prayed that God would show me a rainbow and confirm His promise to me, and He did! He did it when it was almost night, it was raining most of the day, and he did it in just those 10min when I was outside and was actually able to see it! Oh, how amazing, loving, gracious and good God we have! He didn't have to answer my prayer, but He did, by His grace. I feel loved and seen, and God confirmed something that means a lot to me!

Oh, what a day… :)

Christena and I have become really good friends in the past year. In fact, she is my best friend here in Slovenia. Friendship with her was given to me as a gift from God. She challenges me, makes me laugh, speaks honestly with me, shares her heart with me, listens to me, and even though she's not a crying kind a person, she cries with me sometimes.

With the busy schedule that we have, we don't get to spend much quality time together, though we see each other almost every day. That's why we decided to take a full day off, just the two of us :) Shawn was taking care of the kiddos and we were able to really spend good time with one another.

We went to downtown Ljubljana. Christena's lived in Slovenia for over 2 years now but never really got to tour Ljubljana and see all the cool and special places. So, I took her on a quick tour of Ljubljana through my eyes :) We ate lunch at Paninoteka where they have delicious sandwiches, we went to Cacao for the yummiest ice cream in the world (flavors we had: muffin, sacher cake, mango) and then we visited my family at their garden. Sweet time.

We were leaving my parents around 5:30pm. It was still kind of early to go home but we didn't really have much to do on a Sunday afternoon (most stores were closed).
I came up with the idea, and I said it out loud more as a joke than anything else, but Christena got really excited! I asked her, "Do you want to go to Piran?" (Piran is my favorite town in Slovenia. It's on the coast and it's beauuuuutiful. I've been telling Christena about it ever since we met, and she hasn't gone there yet because she wanted me to take her.)

We weren't lucky enough to see Piran in the sun… :)

So, off we were, at almost 6pm :) it's a good hour drive to get there and the weather wasn't looking good. We prayed and the more we went towards the coast, the clearer the sky was. Oh, is God good! :)

We got there, parked our car and RAN to the town! The wind was blowing but it was so warm, we were in our short sleeves.

I took her to my favorite coffee shop, showed her my favorite jewelry shop, took her to the church on top of the hill (you see Croatia on the left and Italy on the right) and then we walked back to the car. It was a short visit but it was a perfect day to walk on the beach, to be goofy and crazy, not worrying about life and the summer and everything else. We were really able to relax and enjoy the beautiful creation of God.

We ended the day with a really delicious pizza with sea fruits and looots of garlic on it :)

It was around 9:30pm when we headed back home. We were just about to leave the parking lot when the wind blew soooo harsh it almost moved the whole car. We saw lightning everywhere, and then the rain came. Oh… we knew we were headed into a fun storm.

We started driving and saw a really bad car accident. We were there just seconds after it happened and it seemed like a man was lying on the road. Crazy!
The lightning was EVERYWHERE, it was raining so hard I couldn't see a thing, and there were many cars on the road. We were praying like crazy!
We were on the highway where the speed limit is 130km/h and I was driving 60km/h, sometimes 80km/h. The lighting was striking all around us, sometimes really close to us. Christena said she bit her whole lip from being so scared of the drive back. She wasn't the only one…

So, we're driving towards Ljubljana, and we notice something white on the road. We were thinking, "Oh, it's probably hail…" but it was too white and it wasn't just on the side of the road but on the road too… and then we realized it wasn't hail but snow! It was May 11th, and we were in a snow storm! There was 0ºC outside, freezing; no wonder there was snow! We were caught in a snow storm 15min outside of Kocevje, too!

I spent the night at Shawn and Christena's, too scared to drive home, and full of adrenaline from the ride home.

It was a really crazy day yesterday but at the same time such an amazing day, full of adventures and spontaneous decisions. Christena sure does challenge me ;)

A different kind of week

Last week our youth had a week off, and Shawn and Christena went to the Spring Conference, so I used the opportunity and stayed at their house :) I invited High School girls over one night for a girls night. We had so much fun!!! I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard, and for so long! That night truly was a blessing and a gift from God!

I made enchiladas (the girls have never had them before)…

… then we played "golf" and ate delish chocolate chip cookies with vanilla ice cream…

… we watched "What If" and "Pearl Harbor" and cried our eyes out...

I LOVE this group of girls! Meeting with them every week is not even ministry, it's friends coming together, sharing about God and what He's been doing in their lives. It doesn't get better than that! :)

We also went to the movies with our Junior High group. We went to see 'Noah', even though I read the reviews and was skeptical about it. One of our boys was sitting next to me in the movies and kept asking, "Is this from the Bible? Did this happen in the Bible? …" We talked about the story of Noah from the Bible later on, and how the movie makers took verses out of the Bible and didn't really picture what the Bible was saying.
It was good to go to a bigger city with them though, and have some fun :)

Tim, Lovro, Laura, Tian, Manca and me :)

English Camp 2014

We've been in full preparation and organization of English Camps!! :)

We are doing 2 camps this summer: Junior High and High School English Camp. Last year we only did a Junior High camp and had an amazing response; 70 kids signed up and made our camp the biggest camp in the entire Slovenia! This year we only have 60 spots available for them, and we're doing a similar camp than last year, with a whole lot of adventurous things (rafting, paintball, climbing…).

We were praying about different options for our High School camp and even took a step of faith in one direction, but God closed the door and opened another one. We're going to Bovec (my 2nd favorite place in Slovenia!) where we'll do camping in tents, rafting, canyoning, hiking, mountain bike riding, paintball… This camp will be smaller, there will only be around 30 of us all together. We only have 6 High Schoolers coming to our weekly youth group now and we're praying that more will start coming next school year. We are hoping this camp will connect us, that we will feel like a big family and really make great, long-lasting friendships.

We started advertising our Junior High camp last week and have so far told about it to 250+ Junior Highers. It's amazing to see God's hand upon all of this because doors of all Elementary schools in Kocevje are completely open for us to come and share about camp for 5~20min per class (that's not normal for Slovenia!!!).
We will start advertising our High School camp in 2 weeks.

Please be praying with us that youth will sign up, that God will open their hearts and give them a desire to come. So far we have 5 kids signed up for Junior High camp.

Our last year's English Camp :)

Church retreat in Croatia

We have a church retreat in Crikvenica, Croatia every Spring. 3 churches come together to worship, fellowship and hear from God. Crikvenica is on the coast, and the hotel we stay at is right at the beach. It's gorgeous!

Church in Slovenia is growing and the number of people at the retreat got really high this year; there were 220 of us! It was so encouraging to see people from Ljubljana and Radovljica that I don't see often, it was great to hang out with the College Group and play board games, it was great to just walk, eat ice cream and enjoy the view of the Mediterranean sea.

We took some youth from Kocevje with us and I loved spending more time with them, seeing them enjoy worship and sermons (our theme was Reformation of heart) and make new friends.

With Domen 

2 of my friends got baptized there too, it was great! I got baptized in Crikvenica 4 years ago so that's a special place for me.

God sure knows how to bless us :)

El Elyon - God Most High

I have been struggling with having faith lately so I started studying God's names through a book called "LORD, I Want To Know You" by Kay Arthur. It's a Bible study on God's names. I wish I knew about this book before because it's really changing my perspective of who God really is, and I see how I've been putting Him in a box, limiting Him.

This part of the study really spoke to me and challenged me.


JOB 1:6-12
Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan also came among them. The Lord said to Satan, “From where do you come?” Then Satan answered the Lord and said, “From roaming about on the earth and walking around on it.” The Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered My servant Job? For there is no one like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, fearing God and turning away from evil.” Then Satan answered the Lord, “Does Job fear God for nothing? Have You not made a hedge about him and his house and all that he has, on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. But put forth Your hand now and touch all that he has; he will surely curse You to Your face.” Then the Lord said to Satan, “Behold, all that he has is in your power, only do not put forth your hand on him.” So Satan departed from the presence of the Lord.

Who instigated the conversation about Job?
What did Satan think Job's reasons were for fearing God?
How did Satan know there was a hedge about Job?
Apparently what did that hedge do?
What did Satan suggest God do to Job and why?
What was God's response?
Who was in control, Satan or God? How do you know?
______________________________________________________

Consider the next passage.
JOB 2:1-10

Again there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before theLord, and Satan also came among them to present himself before the Lord. The Lord said to Satan, “Where have you come from?” Then Satan answered the Lord and said, “From roaming about on the earth and walking around on it.” The Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered My servant Job? For there is no one like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man fearing God and turning away from evil. And he still holds fast his integrity, although you incited Me against him to ruin him without cause.” Satan answered theLord and said, “Skin for skin! Yes, all that a man has he will give for his life. However, put forth Your hand now, and touch his bone and his flesh; he will curse You to Your face.” So the Lord said to Satan, “Behold, he is in your power, only spare his life.”

Then Satan went out from the presence of the Lord and smote Job with sore boils from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head. And he took a potsherd to scrape himself while he was sitting among the ashes.

Then his wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die!” But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips.

What did God point out to Satan about Job?
What reason does Satan give for Job's response to his trials of chapter 1?
What did Satan propose for Job? Why?
What was God's response?
Who was in control?
______________________________________________________

Now one last verse.
LUKE 22:31
“Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat.

How does Luke 22:31 show Satan's relationship to God?

______________________________________________________

God is completely in control over everything. He initiated the conversation about Job, and even suggested to Satan that He tries His faithful servant Job. Why? Because He knew Job's heart, God knew Job will not turn His back on Him. This was such a big test for Job but God was in control over him and his life the whole time.

I struggle with believing God is on the highest throne sometimes. But… He is! He is in complete and total control of our lives, and He knows exactly why something happens and why something doesn't. Can you see that God is in complete Sovereignty, that He is in complete control over everything and everyone? Can you not only see it but also believe it?

Some other verses that really show God's sovereignty and control…
Daniel 4:34-35
Isaiah 14:24-27
Isaiah 46:9-11
Daniel 2:20-23


This truth brings faith, hope and peace in my heart. We belong and are serving an amazing, big and loving God, who is in control over everything and everyone, including Satan; we belong to God who is sitting on the highest throne and there is no one above Him.

Rest in this truth and have faith; God is in control.

Faith to believe

Even when I cannot see You
You're still shining, You're still shining
Even when I cannot hear You
You're still calling out my name
Even when I cannot feel You
Your arms are open
Always holding on to me

Won't You give me the faith to see the invisible
Give me the faith to believe the impossible
Give me the faith to receive the incredible
Oh give me the faith to believe it
Oh give me the faith to believe it

The Prince of Preachers

I just finished reading The Prince of Preachers by Charles H. Spurgeon. I didn't know much about him before I read the book so I'm really encouraged and inspired!

- C. Spurgeon struggled with the way he looked (as a teenager). That is so interesting to me. He thought he had a fat body and he wished he was different, stronger. He wished God would change his appearance. It was good to read on and see how he realized that God had made him just the way He wanted him to be.

- C. Spurgeon preached his first sermon when he was 16.  
16!!! That's amazing!  
"But the Lord said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the Lord." - Jeremiah 1:7-8
You can never be too young to do the work of God. 

- C. Spurgeon trusted the Lord with his future - He didn't know the future but he knew that God was in it. And that was enough for him.

- "God has not brought you this far only to abandon you now."

- C. Spurgeon prayed to God to "give him the boldness of Elijah, the tenderness of David, and the simplicity of John the Baptist."

- C. Spurgeon believed that if God begins a work in you, He is able, willing and competent to complete it. God never draws out the blueprints for a project He is incapable of accomplishing! (so true, such comfort!!!)

- C. Spurgeon was always seeking to be faithful, not to be great. 

- "God gives us exactly what we need when we need it."

- "Every caterpillar must travel through a cocoon before riding the wings of the wind."

- C. Spurgeon suffered great depression. That also brings me comfort since I've been struggling with depression my whole life. But even though Spurgeon struggled with depression, he never stood before the congregation without a smile on his face. He was serving the Lord with his whole heart. 

Such a life, such a ministry! 
I love reading missionary biographies or books about Christians who followed the Lord with their whole hearts! What courage, what faith! So inspiring! And it encourages me to follow Jesus with all I have because He is worth it! 

Lord, increase my faith and help me follow you, no matter where, no matter how; 

I want to be all about Your business!

Josiah Venture Annual Report

God is doing great things! I am so privileged to be a part of God's movement in this area of the world!

Read Josiah Venture's Annual Report 2013 and see what God is doing in Central and Eastern Europe!

God's will

I sometimes read Katie's blog. She inspires me. God inspires me through her life. I admire her work and the fact she answered the calling God put on her heart.

I love the way she writes. Her words speak to my heart many times.
______________________________________________________

She clings tightly to the edge of the pool, knuckles while with fear of the unknown. My eyes grow hot but I fight it, surely you can’t cry on the side of the public baby pool in the middle of a perfect Sunday afternoon. I taught her how to swim. But it has been two years this month since she’s lived in my home and longer since she’s been in a pool. The swirl of the cold water and the way it will carry you if you simply relax but pulls you under when you stiffen in panic has become foreign to her.

“Come on!” Patricia pulls at her and it strikes me that she’s just the same age now that Jane was on that day when I packed her backpack and sent her home with her mother and it seems too little. I let the tears fall and ask Him, “What do I do with grief like this on a beautiful, sunny Sunday while kids splash happy all around me?”

“Give it to me,” He whispers.

As the tears clear I see that Patricia has successfully pulled her reluctant friend into the center of the pool. The water reaches only to her chest, but still she is tentative; I know that look in her eyes even as her face tries to smile. Within minutes the reserve melts into relief. The pool! We like the pool! And there she is dancing and splashing and laughing with the rest of them.

The big girls can’t resist all this giggling joy in little sisters and they pull all three over the dividing wall and into the big pool. Again her eyes dart. Is it safe here? She grabs for the edge. But the big girls pull her to the middle to laugh and splash and play and when they don’t let go, she regains her confidence. Soon she’s swimming and splashing and laughing with all her might, fully comfortable with the water all around her, and when it is time to go, she is the hardest to get out.

I wrap her in an enormous soft towel and repent as I pull her close. You would think that I would just be thankful that we still occasionally get these windows of time with her. Who has to give up a child and then still gets to see her sometimes? Not many. I think of all the women I know whose babies have just not woken up in the morning and I know I should be grateful for this gift.

But I’m clinging to the side of the pool. I am clinging to the past and to my what-I-thought-should be instead of to His perfect what-will-be.

I know about the middle of the pool. I know how to swim! I’ve tasted and I have seen that the Lord is good; I have testified with my mouth and known deep in my heart that His will is better than all my plans. I have put together the right words and tied it up in a neat little bow and written it up for the world to see – See! His will is the best! We love it here.

But today a big broken piece of my flesh is clinging to the side, longing for the past and the way I thought I wanted life to be. And the reality is, when I cling here, I don’t have to say a word. My white knuckles and my tense body and the posture of my heart say, “but what if its not? What if His will is just scary cold water and I’ll just stay here on the edge, thanks.” And right there on the side of the pool He uses this little one to bring me to my knees, again.

Who is God when we are clinging to the side? He is the one who comes to right where we are. He is the one who takes our hand and pulls us back to the middle and won’t let go. “Remember, love?” He whispers, “You can swim. I taught you how to swim.” And He doesn’t let go, not ever. Stiffened in panic and doubt, I sink, but relax and lean into Him and the floating comes back easily. The side is not nearly as marvelous as it is out here. 

The hope and joy that is found in Jesus Christ, who is working all things for the good of those who love Him, is enough to carry me. 

We know this. But the truth is, we all forget. I forget. Life’s hard stings and I question and I wrestle and I believe with all my heart that He will make it all beautiful one day, but can I open my eyes to see that He is making it beautiful now? Right this moment? Because as He pulls me closer to the center of His will, He is only pulling me closer to Him. As I choose to trust Him, again and again and again and again, He promises me that He is transforming me into His likeness. And closer to Him? That is the only place I really want to be.

Stop fighting. Stop holding on so tightly to what you thought you needed for security. Come on out here to the center. He won’t let go. And it’s marvelous here.

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Lord, let me realize you're making everything beautiful today. And tomorrow. Thank you for pulling me closer to the center of Your will, closer to You. Help me let go.

Thank you for transforming me, daily.
 I'm thankful.

Impossible with man, possible with God

I've been reading Absolute Surrender by Andrew Murray, and it's piercing my heart with every chapter I read.

These are some of the things that really stood out to me in a chapter called
IMPOSSIBLE WITH MAN, POSSIBLE WITH GOD

"Jesus replied, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.” - Luke 18:27

Many Christians are living a low life, a life of failure and of sin, instead of rest and victory, because they began to see: "I can't, it's impossible." They don't understand it fully and they give way to despair. They will do their best but they never expect to get on very far. 

Not only do we need to delight in the law of God after the inward man, and will what God wills, but we need a divine omnipotence to work it in us. "For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." - Philippians 2:13
When God has worked the renewed will, God will give the power to accomplish what that will desires.

Our religious life is to be a series of impossibilities made possible and actual by God's almighty power. We need the whole God's omnipotence to keep us right and to live like a Christian.
The whole Christianity is a work of God's omnipotence - look at Jesus' birth (With God nothing is impossible - Luke 1:37), Jesus' resurrection... It was according to the exceeding greatness of His mighty power that God raised Christ from the dead. Look at creation of the world, creation of light out of darkness, creation of man. 
What about God's omnipotence in the works of redemption? God trained Abraham to trust Him as the omnipotent One; whether it was his going out to a land that he didn't know, or whether it was his faith in waiting 25 years for a son in his old age, against all hope, or whether it was the raising up of Isaac from the dead on Mount Moriah when he was going to sacrifice him - Abraham believed God. He was strong in faith, giving glory to God, because he accounted Him who had promised able to perform.

The cause of the weakness of our Christian life is that we want to work it out partly, and to let God help us. And that cannot be. We must come to be utterly helpless, to let God work, and God will work gloriously. Moses, Joshua... all God's servants in the OT counted upon the omnipotence of God doing impossibilities. And this God lives today!
I can do nothing. God must + will do all.
Let our hearts say, "Glory to God, the Omnipotent One, who can do above what we dare to ask or think!"

Never pray without adoring His omnipotence. The answer to the prayer will come, and like Abraham you will become strong in faith, giving glory to God, because you account Him who had promised able to perform.

God is good and faithful!

I was listening to a sermon on Nehemiah 2:1-10 this morning, and I prayed that God would speak to me about certain things that are going on in my life right now.
God sure is faithful to speak what I need to hear!

When Nehemiah found out what was going on in Jerusalem, he sat down and wept (Neh 1:3-4). He was devastated and he prayed and fasted for days.

First Nehemiah wept and prayed. He repented from sins of him and his nation, and he wept.
Then Nehemiah wondered and prayed. He kept thinking about the situation and he couldn't shake it.
Then Nehemiah waited and prayed. As he was wondering and praying, the Lord shared things with him. It's one thing to know God's will and another thing to have God's timing. Nehemiah waited 4 months for the right moment to come to go to the king. God shared enough with him by then to do the first leap of faith.
Lastly, Nehemiah worked and prayed. He needed to take action based on his prayer; he packed up and set off.

I've been going through a pretty big trial in my life. The whole thing brought me to my knees, repenting. The Lord showed me my sin and my heart was heavy. I wept and prayed.
As I got through the first stage, I started wondering how to pray about the situation, how to let it go, what is my role in this. God is always so faithful. He answered some of my questions and started guiding me through the situation. There are many things I don't understand but I stand on His Word, His Truth, and His Promises.
I'm at the stage of waiting and praying. God is Sovereign, faithful, GOOD and loving. There is absolutely no reason why I wouldn't trust Him. I don't know what the end of my situation will be - Nehemiah didn't either. But God shared a basic outline for him of what he had to do. My situation is different but God spoke to me, and I know what I need to do - wait and pray. And as the time comes, there will be an opportunity for me to work and pray as well; in God's timing and according to His will.

Nehemiah was mourned by the situation in his life for months. He was praying, and now he got a chance to act. He got a green light from God and a check to rebuilt what was destroyed. And it was because the good hand of God was upon him that this was granted to him - not because Nehemiah was so great and awesome, not because he was one of the king's favorites or because he was such a good negotiator... God wanted the city of Jerusalem rebuilt more than Nehemiah did, so He made sure Nehemiah was in the right place with the right access to ask the right question of the right man at the right time. God had given Nehemiah this position + opportunity because of what God wanted done.

This brings so much comfort! Who am I to do something, to be someone, to get something...? If the hand of God is not upon me, I can do eveything and it will not succeed. "Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the Lord Almighty." - Zechariah 4:6
Also, our desires are so often God's desires that He planted in our hearts. We just need to make ourselves available and submit to Him so He can do His mighty work through us to accomplish things He planned out.

God is faithful; He never lies, and He never fails. Why in the world would I want to serve other gods when I am a daughter of a Mighty God who is King of kings and Lord of lords? He is sitting on the highest throne, He has control over everything and everyone, and He chose me to be His child. Nothing can move me from this position. Thank you, Jesus!