January

There's a TV show called One Tree Hill that I've been watching for several years now. I love it; it's real, emotional, scary at moments… it's one of the best TV shows I've ever seen.
I started watching the 1. season again where everyone is still 16 years old, in High School, doing stupid things. There's one girl, Haley, that I really like. She is always being herself and she's ok with it.
It brough me thinking of myself when I was 16. I was depressed, covered in darkness, not being able to see the light and the bright future ahead of me.
If I could go back, I would change things. I would change me.
But here I am, 22 years old, a Christian, but still depressed. Not always and not in the same way, but I'm still not doing anything with my life. Yes, I leave for College in just a few days and my life rythym will change. I'll be busy and that will help me with my emotions but I remember having a routine when I was 16 and I still have it, I still live it. How do I move on? On some parts of my life, I did. The biggest one was that I accepted God and became a Christian. Don't get me wrong, it changed me a lot. But one part of me is still right there where it was 6 years ago.
It buggs me a lot. Sometimes I think getting married will change me or… moving somewhere else. It might be true. If I go to Africa for a while, that'd be a huge change and I bet I won't have the same routine anymore. But I'll find another one.
I know I have to change myself. And I know I have God to help me with it because I'll never be able to do it on my own. Yet.. Sometimes it just seems like I won't make it.

Blah. January.