Reality

Life is hard. There are so many different temptations, so many different things that can make us fall into depressions, into darkness, into bad things. We fall so quickly and we can lose hope, faith, we don't see the happy ending, we don't see anything. We're hopeless and dead inside. We fake everything and don't love ourselves.
I was like that before God saved me. I was depressed, didn't think anything or anyone was worth to live for and I was dead inside. I was waiting for my life to be done.
That's where my mom is right now. She lives in her own world where cigarettes and alcohol mean everything to her. She doesn't love herself and doesn't care if she dies.
She knows she has a problem but she thinks she's going to fix it on her own when we all know she can't do it on her own. I tried to do things on my own and didn't make it. God was the one that saved me and He is the only one that can save her.
He is my hope and I have faith. But it's really hard and my faith doesn't seem to be a lot right now.

Please pray for my mom and dad. They've gone through so much and they desperately need God to save them, to shine into their broken, lost hearts.
Please pray for my sister and me. It's one of the hardest things to watch a family member suffering and not being able to do anything because it's not our choice.. it's my mom's. She has to want to change and live.
The only thing that I can do is to pray which I am. I trust God and I know He's not gonna let me down. I know He's in control even if my mom and dad don't think so which they told me pretty clearly.

Sometimes I talk to God and I ask Him why did He put me in a family like this. I'm thankful for my mom and dad, I love them... but life is hard in this family. Nowhere is perfect but it's hard to be in a home where alcohol, fights, depressions, cheating... is present. I ask God why me. I know the answer and I'm grateful that I'll go through all of this with my family and have experiences to help other people with similar problems. I'm grateful God's going to use me in a big way and not make my life boring at all.
I just wonder how it would be living in a Christian home where your parents follow God and encourage you to do the same.
I'm not judging my parents for not doing that and I'd love to be the one who would encourage them to follow Him.
But sometimes I feel like I'm their parent and not the other way around..