God is good and faithful!

I was listening to a sermon on Nehemiah 2:1-10 this morning, and I prayed that God would speak to me about certain things that are going on in my life right now.
God sure is faithful to speak what I need to hear!

When Nehemiah found out what was going on in Jerusalem, he sat down and wept (Neh 1:3-4). He was devastated and he prayed and fasted for days.

First Nehemiah wept and prayed. He repented from sins of him and his nation, and he wept.
Then Nehemiah wondered and prayed. He kept thinking about the situation and he couldn't shake it.
Then Nehemiah waited and prayed. As he was wondering and praying, the Lord shared things with him. It's one thing to know God's will and another thing to have God's timing. Nehemiah waited 4 months for the right moment to come to go to the king. God shared enough with him by then to do the first leap of faith.
Lastly, Nehemiah worked and prayed. He needed to take action based on his prayer; he packed up and set off.

I've been going through a pretty big trial in my life. The whole thing brought me to my knees, repenting. The Lord showed me my sin and my heart was heavy. I wept and prayed.
As I got through the first stage, I started wondering how to pray about the situation, how to let it go, what is my role in this. God is always so faithful. He answered some of my questions and started guiding me through the situation. There are many things I don't understand but I stand on His Word, His Truth, and His Promises.
I'm at the stage of waiting and praying. God is Sovereign, faithful, GOOD and loving. There is absolutely no reason why I wouldn't trust Him. I don't know what the end of my situation will be - Nehemiah didn't either. But God shared a basic outline for him of what he had to do. My situation is different but God spoke to me, and I know what I need to do - wait and pray. And as the time comes, there will be an opportunity for me to work and pray as well; in God's timing and according to His will.

Nehemiah was mourned by the situation in his life for months. He was praying, and now he got a chance to act. He got a green light from God and a check to rebuilt what was destroyed. And it was because the good hand of God was upon him that this was granted to him - not because Nehemiah was so great and awesome, not because he was one of the king's favorites or because he was such a good negotiator... God wanted the city of Jerusalem rebuilt more than Nehemiah did, so He made sure Nehemiah was in the right place with the right access to ask the right question of the right man at the right time. God had given Nehemiah this position + opportunity because of what God wanted done.

This brings so much comfort! Who am I to do something, to be someone, to get something...? If the hand of God is not upon me, I can do eveything and it will not succeed. "Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the Lord Almighty." - Zechariah 4:6
Also, our desires are so often God's desires that He planted in our hearts. We just need to make ourselves available and submit to Him so He can do His mighty work through us to accomplish things He planned out.

God is faithful; He never lies, and He never fails. Why in the world would I want to serve other gods when I am a daughter of a Mighty God who is King of kings and Lord of lords? He is sitting on the highest throne, He has control over everything and everyone, and He chose me to be His child. Nothing can move me from this position. Thank you, Jesus!

The spiritual world

Shawn, Christena and I have a meeting every Tuesday morning. We pray for our youth, we pray for God's guidance for the coming youth group, and we prepare things in details for that week and all the activities we'll be doing.

Sometimes we feel like we're in a fog; we can't clearly hear God and His direction, our thoughts are all over the place, we have no energy or motivation...
And sometimes things go very smoothly. Like this past Tuesday. We prayed, God spoke and gave a clear direction, things ran very smoothly and we were done in 2 hours.

Sometimes I wish God would open my eyes to see the spiritual world. I wonder what it looks like.

Absolute Surrender

"Are you willing to surrender yourself absolutely into My hands?"

“Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”

- Psalm 46:10

Be still  is a command.
Let go. Be weak. Release. Surrender. Die to yourself.
Cause yourself to let go.
Let yourself become weak.


"Be still and KNOW that I am God."
God who conquers giants.
God who tells the dead to breathe.
God who shuts the mouths of lions.
God who formed + created the world and the universe.
God who walks through fire.
God who cares so much He takes the smallest thing as a fever away.
God who lets you get swallowed by a fish to get you to obey Him.
God who is on the highest throne and there's NO ONE above Him.
God who is in control. Absolute control.
God who has a good plan for you - not to harm you but to prosper you.
God who has loved you with an everlasting love.
God who sacrificed His own Son for you.
God who heals.
God who casts out demons.
God who ALWAYS keeps His promises.
God who NEVER fails.
God who carries you through the deep waters.
God who holds your hand when it's scary.
God who teaches you how to walk.
God who is there for you ALWAYS.
God who gives peace that's beyond our ability.
God who carries your burden.
God who breaks you because He wants to change you. Because He loves you so much.

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"Let go of everything, die to yourself and all of your plans, surrender your life to me... and remember who I am. Stand on my promises.
I AM GOOD. Trust Me."

It hurts when God breaks us. But He does it out of love, by His grace, for our good. It's all for His glory.
Thank you, Lord.

The power of God

Shawn, Christena and I knew tonight was going to be a great night for Jesus. Christena got sick, we were struggling with impatience, we weren't completely ready for youth group... things just weren't going the way they were suppose to.

2 kids came to youth group early to finish the Look study (4 steps that explain the gospel). Tonight was their last step; confess, believe and repent. We went through all the steps with them, explained what it means to receive Jesus into your heart and follow Him, and they said they understand and want to do it, so we got a new sister and brother into the family of Christ! Praise Jesus! :)

Then our youth group started. We played a couple of games, had fun, hung out, listened to music... and then we talked about the power of God. We talked about Saul and his salvation from Acts 9. Saul was an evil man but nothing is impossible for God. He revealed Himself to Saul and changed his heart, his life! We shared a couple of other stories of really powerful conversions and God's power, and then we showed a video of Brian Welch, former lead guitarist of the band Korn. He has an amazing testimony, you can listen to it here.

I don't think our kids can compare themselves to Brian Welch at all, but it's so amazing to hear his testimony and see his changed life! Most of them have heard of the band Korn before, and they know what fame does.
It was really powerful.

Shawn and Christena's kids were all over the place; they were fighting, they spilled yoghurt all over the house, they didn't listen or obey... the enemy knew how to try to distract us.
I felt dizzy most of the evening, for no reason. I had food in my stomach, I wasn't thirsty.. it wasn't a physical problem. It was spiritual. 
It's almost exciting when you discern something's going on in the spiritual world, even if you can't see it! There's a battle for souls and Jesus is winning!

We don't know what came out of tonight but our youth listened. I hope and pray their hearts are open for God to show them just how powerful He is and what He can do in their lives.

Good old Slovenia.

I left America on Feb 1 so I have been back in Slovenia for over a week now.

My time in the States was amazing, beautiful, filled with God's love and faithfulness, but it was also very stretchy and hard. I was looking forward to go back to Slovenia, go back into ministry and serve the Lord - but as I got home, the reverse culture shock hit me. I knew it would happen- America is SO MUCH DIFFERENT than Slovenia- but I didn't expect it to hit me as hard as it did.

It took me 6 days to get over jet lag and to start feeling normal again. It was great to be at youth group last week - we had so many new kids join our group while I was gone that I felt like a newcomer! Crazy! It was amazing to meet new kids, see old faces and share with them about my journey in the States.
We're talking about God's power this month and I shared what God did in + through me in January, how He met me in every way and was there for me in every single moment.

It was hard, but as I look back, I can so clearly see God's hand upon me. Thank you, Lord!


Thank you, again, for praying. God hears + answers prayers, and He sure answered yours! 

I sing "Hosanna" once again, then I say "Crucify Him!"

God's been speaking to me how much He loves me...

... and how much I don't love Him.

I love Jesus, I gave my life to Him when He saved me. But He's been revealing parts of my heart to me that aren't pretty. 

I so often put myself and my desires before Jesus instead of giving them to Him, trusting He will guide my life and that He has a PERFECT plan for my life. 

Why is it so hard for me to trust Him sometimes? Don't I know my Savior? 

"The LORD is gracious and compassionate,

slow to anger and rich in love. 

The LORD is good to all; 

He has compassion on all He has made.

The LORD is faithful to ALL His promises

and loving toward all He has made. 

He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him;

He hears their cry and saves them."

- Psalm 145

Truth.

Thank you, Jesus.

Almost time to go home.

My journey through the West Coast of America continues and is slowly coming to an end.

I spent 2 days in Turlock with a dear friend Debbie who I met in Slovenia this past summer. She's been to Slovenia a couple of times and she came to help with Performing Arts Camp this past summer. We connected right away, I was her coffee girl :)
It was so good to see her world, stay at her house, hang out with her daughter Chloe and just rest. Oh, it really was good to rest.
They made one of my dreams come true - they took me to San Francisco! I grew up watching Full House and it means so much to me to be able to see the city, all the roads and the Golden Gate Bridge! So much fun! God cleared the weather for us - there was no fog, almost no wind, it was warm... it was perfect! AND we had Mexican food for dinner!! What else can I ask for, really? :)

I stayed in Modesto with 2 other families who've been a really big part of Performing Arts Camp over the last couple of years. They took such good care of me! They took me to Monterey (they said my middle name should be Ray; Mana Ray in Monterey :). It was just so good to relax, explore and enjoy time with them.



Lin, one of the main ladies for Performing Arts Camp, hosted a dessert night. I shared my testimony and the work of God in Slovenia with about 30 people who are in different ways connected to Slovenia. Some of them had even been to Kocevje and it was great to hear their stories and experiences of Slovenia!

I flew to Portland on Saturday morning and got picked up by a very special friend, Anna. She was a missionary with Josiah Venture in Slovenia from 2004-2008 and she was one of the main people God used to reach out to me.
I was able to spend 4 days with Anna, her husband David and their precious daughter Sophia. I shared my story with their small group, and Anna and I had a chance to share about God's work in our lives at Canby Bethany church on Sunday.



Anna and I had time to talk about the past, she helped me understand how she felt when I was still living in the darkness and how she had hope that God will save me.
Her and I shared a journal for 4 years and I hadn't seen it since 2008. I was able to read it with her 2 days ago. So much darkness, pain, sin... but it's amazing to see that God was really pursuing me, trying to get my attention and He really loved me throughout all of those years! He didn't give up on me and when I was finally ready to give Him an opportunity, He grabbed it!! Oh, His loves for us... how in the world did I deserve to be His daughter?

I am currently in Spokane, Washington. It reminds me of Slovenia a lot :) it's really cold, snowy..
I was able to encourage people at one of the churches here last night and share about God's mighty work. God really is at work; not just in my life, Kocevje or Slovenia - He is working EVERYWHERE! He is amazing!

I will stay in Spokane until Monday when I go back to Oregon and will stay in Salem for 5 days with Andrea who will be coming to Slovenia as an extended intern in Kocevje in June! That's when my journey in America ends and I will return back to Slovenia and continue serving God there.

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I was very nervous about these 7 weeks in the States; I am not a public speaker, I like being in my own bubble and I like to stay in the background and observe. This trip was everything but that!
God really stretched me, helped me to step out into the unknown and do things for Him that were hard for me. But it's for His glory and He is worth it!
I learned so much about God and His character. He revealed Himself to me in new ways, special ways.
I learned so much about myself! I can do things in God that I would NEVER think I could! It's amazing to experience that!


Thank you for covering me with your prayers and being on this journey with me. I'm really starting to realize how big of a family in Christ I have - and I am thankful.