Confused and scared

It's been a couple of days since I found out I'm accepted to all 3 colleges I applied to and I've been praying about it since then but still, I feel confused, scared, nervous.. and happy at the same time.
I replied to all schools and explained my situation and they all wrote they'll pray with/for me.
Registrar from Calvary Chapel (Hungary) said one verse came to his mind while he was reading my email;

"We make our own plans,
but the Lord decides
where we will go."

- Proverbs 16:9

It's true. The Lord will decide where I'll go BUT I can't hear Him telling me where to go. I know He usually waits until the last minute but I'm scared I won't hear Him at all.

Please pray that I'll be able to hear His voice. Please pray that He'll be loud and clear and that when He'll tell me His plan for me, I'll follow His vision and not mine.

Important decision

Last Thursday I received an email from Ravencrest Chalet, CO that I got accepted to their Bible College.
Today at 1pm I received an email from Calvary Chapel, Hungary that I got accepted to their Bible College.
Today at 3.30pm I received an email from Holsby Brunn, Sweden that I got accepted to their Bible College.

WOW!!! :D


It's a really big day today. I'm confused, excited, extremely happy, nervous and scared.

My (selfish) wishes for Bible Colleges were changing all the time but a week or two ago my vision looked something like that:

My first choice was Colorado, USA.
It's a great school, I already met the principal and registrar and some students so it would be a bit easier for me at the beginning.
I would be in America :) + I would be close to Anna (she already invited me to spend Christmas with her and David if I decided to go there).
Who wouldn't want to go there?!?

My second choice was Hungary.
It's 5 hours away from Ljubljana (I'm 150% I'm going to be homesick), I could go there with a car (or our youth group could have a roadtrip ;) ), I could take all my art stuff with me + Calvary Chapel is the only school that goes to Africa for mission trips, which is my biggest wish.
And.. since my first visit on their website, I have a heart for that school. Something (someone?) is telling me this is the school for me and everyone around me is telling me the same.
Coincidence?

My third choice was Sweden.
I applied because I asked God which school should I apply to and His first answer was Sweden.
It was my 3rd choice because I like the other 2 schools so much and I don't know a lot about this one.
Nothing's wrong with it but I'm not really sure about it.


My opinions and wishes changed today, I guess. I have no idea where to go now that He opened all the doors for me. I don't have a first, second and third wish anymore.
I don't know what's good for me or what's the best for me. He knows that and I know I have a lot of praying to do.

I'm just SO thankful that I got the opportunity to apply to Bible Colleges and that I got accepted to all 3 of them. It's a huge blessing and a confirmation that I'm on the right path of my life.

Yay! :)

Heavy thoughts, good conclusion

Do you ever want one part of your life back?
Do you ever wonder how would it be if you were still living in your past or somewhere where you lived for a long (or not so long) time?
When you step into a new part of your life (whenever that happens), do you feel uncomfortable for a while or do you just fit in?

My life changed on January 13th and even more a month ago. Most of the time I'm happier than I ever was but there are moments when I say to myself "oh, I wish everything could be just the way it was before".
But then again, I would be miserable and my heart would be broken and there would be no one to comfort me.
I'm still sad and lonely and miserable sometimes and my heart is still broken.
But I have my comforter. Actually, I have THE comforter.
Some of the wounds have already started to heal. It still hurts but not as much as it did before.

Nevertheless, right now I feel like I want to go back to my old life. I want to be in a band, I want to live without these big financial concerns and without people's rejections.

Wait.. finances were my concern in my old life. Poeple were rejecting me in my old life. It's true that I was in a band but was I happy there? Was my life good?

The moment past and if I think again, I'm happy just where I am.
In my new life with Him taking care of me, even though I have no idea how everything will turn out to be.

The Shack

I first heard of the book for New Year's when I was at girl's retreat at the castle in Austria. Tanja was talking about a chapter that's describing a garden where the Holy Spirit is working. The garden is a mess and Holy Spirit is so proud of it, especially when someone says that it's a mess.
Tanja was telling us about it because she got us a project to make - each of us got a small mirror and colorful stones and we had to make our own mosaic garden on our mirrors that would reflect our wishes for a year 2010 (we taped colorful stones and plastic flowers, we wrote words..). Our "gardens" were all so different and unique. I'm a person who likes order and tidiness and when I started making my "garden", I thought to myself "this will be so pretty and so colorful and so in order" and while I was working on it, I got some ideas and at the end my mosaic garden was.. a colorful mess.

Anyway.. I heard of the book again a month ago when David said he just got it back from someone and Katka said she'll read it first and then give it to me.
So a week or so later I got the book! Yay! Almost everyone else have already read it and I was really curious about it.
I didn't start reading it for a week but when I started, I didn't want to stop!
I started reading it one evening at 11pm and thought "I'm just gonna go through the beginning and see if I'll even like it" and I didn't put the book down until 12.45am when I could barely keep my eyes open.
The book is really G-R-E-A-T!

I highly recommend!

It made me think differently about God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit in a way.
In a good way.
Most of the time we have no idea why God does things that sometimes hurt or are not really nice but author of the book shows us things through a fiction that help to understand why we live in a family that doesn't understand us or why the world is so cruel or why people we love, die.. It goes to the very beginning where Adam and Eve made a mistake and because of it the whole humanity is now in this big battle between light and darkness.
It talks about judgement, too. We all judge. We judge other people's clothes/styles, haircuts, bodies.. we're used to it and it's natural for us but it's wrong and it hurts. And even if we think we're not hurting anyone by doing a quiet judgement, we are hurting ourselves and God.

The Shack

The book is a fiction, they say.
I wonder if it really is..

What do you think?

Baptism photos

I got photographs from this year's baptisms a while ago but totally forgot to put them up here!
It's not just photos of baptisms but also photos of people (mostly youth) hanging out.

I don't remember if I mentioned it before but beside the fact that that weekend was one of the best weekends of my life, it was also hard and challenging. The enemy was attacking a lot and some old+painful memories popped up one night before the baptism.

It was a weekend of talks, crying, happiness, love and faith.

Enjoy watching our photos! :)

A day off

It's 1st of May which is National day in Slovenia (is it the same in America?) so we all stayed at home. It's Saturday so a lot of people wouldn't have to go to work anyway.

It was a warm, sunny day so my parents decided to go to my grandma's where they keep a pretty big garden and it's pretty and since I was alone + got a big wave of inspiration, I decided to do some creating. It was so great to be alone the whole day and just do ANYTHING I wanted:
- I read a bit of The shack (a book that I'm reading at the moment)
- I sat on the balcony for a while so I would get some tan on my face (it didn't really work)
- I made myself really yummy lunch (no wonder people don't know I'm a good cook if I only cook for myself)
- I watched the new episode of Grey's Anatomy
AND
- I did lots of art while listening to a great Christian music :)
I'm gonna finish my day by reading a bit of The shack and then reading a few chapters of the Bible (I decided to read the whole Bible in a year) and I'll just try to spend a little time with God. I'm kind of sorry I didn't do that during the day even though I was talking to Him while thoughts were running through my head (you know, when you think of a person or some people and you think of a memory with them and then you just pray for them or for the memory or.. I don't know. Does this make sense?)

I could have a day off every day. I feel like a true artist whos job is to create. I wouldn't survive as an artist, though, because I give all my paintings and creations to people as a gift. Even if I work on one piece for a lot of time, I don't have a heart to sell it. It's the best feeling in the world to see people happy when they get a gift (even if it's a small one) and they're not as happy if they have to buy it, no matter how much they want it.

It was an awesome day even though I stayed at home all day, by myself, despite the beautiful and sunny weather.
I took care of my soul and I filled my batteries.

I feel good :)

Love came down..

.. is a song that describes my blog and my new life.
Thank you, Lord.

When i call on your name you answer
when i fall you are there by my side
you delivered me out of darkness
now i stand in the hope of new life

by grace i'm free
you've rescued me
all i am is yours

i've found a love greater than life itself
i've found a hope stronger and nothing compares
i once was lost now i'm alive in you
i'm alive in you

thank you lord
i'm alive in you

you're my God and my firm foundation
it is you whom i'll trust at all times
i give glory and praise, adoration
to my savior who's seated on high

i've found a love greater than life itself
i've found a hope stronger and nothing compares
i once was lost now i'm alive in you
i'm alive in you.